We’ve all had them, those moments where we realize, “I probably shouldn’t have said that.” In the classroom, this can be more of a sensitive issue than other locales. Our classroom environments are meant to be places of learning and support, as every teacher knows well. Both you and your students have the right to feel safe and nurtured in such places, and the idea is for us to support and nurture each other.
That said, things can be uttered out of emotion in moments where we temporarily lose our cool and our ability to think rationally and objectively.
Sometimes we do more invisible lasting harm with our careless words than we could physically. It may be that we’ve been told these when we were young, or perhaps our kids are hearing the same things.
Whatever the case, here is a list of things that should never be said in any classroom, complete with translations. Hold your tongue when you feel the desire to say the following.
1. “What did I just tell you?”
Translation: You obviously weren’t listening. I’ll embarrass you now by asking a question you can’t possibly answer without looking stupid.
2. “I like the way Linda is sitting.”
Translation: I can’t speak directly, so I’ll use indirect communication and manipulation to make others behave. Never mind that I’m putting Linda on the spot.
3. “Tell him you’re sorry.”
Translation: Even if you’re not sorry, lie about it and suppress your true feelings. Once you say sorry you don’t have to talk about what you learned or correct your behavior.
4. “That’s not a good excuse.”
Translation: Come up with a better one. You can lie better than that.
5. “Always do your best.”
Translation: It’s never okay to make mistakes.
6. “You are so talented, this is easy for you.”
Translation: Your work is done. No need to improve. You don’t need effort to succeed in life. Don’t bother.
7. “Why can’t you act like —–?”
Translation: I like that person better than you.
8. “You are so lazy!”
Translation: Here’s your label. You can’t change it.
9. “Another bad grade!”
Translation: Here’s a lemon to squeeze into that already wounded spirit of yours.
10. “Movie day! I need a break!”
Translation: You don’t need to be here. I don’t need to be here. What are we doing here, then?
11. “Shut up!”
Translation: I have no more patience to speak to you respectfully.
12. “Because I am the adult, and I am in charge.”
Translation: I don’t trust children to understand that adults can sometimes help because we have more experience.
13. “You don’t get to question me.”
Translation: Don’t learn. I’ll make all the decisions around here.
14. “You would do better if only…”
Translation: I will tell you how to do better. You have no say in the matter.
15. “I am done with this.”
Translation: I am done with you. There’s no way back into my heart.
16. “I know this may seem pointless but we have to get through it.”
Translation: I’m wasting your time and my time. Accept it.
17. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Translation: I have no business being in front of you. Let the spitballs fly.
18. “The other class did well with this. What’s wrong with you guys?”
Translation: I like the other class better. You’re a bunch of losers.
19. “You will never be able to —–“
Translation: I’ve decided your future and your potential to achieve it. You have permission to stop believing in your dreams.
All of these things you’ve just read are some of the most harmful statements we can say to each other, especially in learning environments where we’re all assembled for a noble purpose. To enable, to guide, to achieve, to aspire—these are the reasons classrooms were built.
Here’s a parting exercise for you, and it’s one you can even get your students in on so you can all learn together. Look very closely at each one of the statements, and come up with a way to turn it around into something positive and constructive. Share your answers and inspire each other!
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